Is it harder for men or women to get over an affair?

Tammy Nelson, PhD explains the differences between men and women when it comes to forgiveness and relationship recovery after infidelity
Relationship Advice | Is it harder for men or women to get over an affair?
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Is it harder for men or women to get over an affair?

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So is it harder for a man to get over an affair, or is it harder for a woman to get over it if a man cheats? And the reality is there's different kinds of affairs. And frankly, there's probably as many different kinds of affairs as there are couples. But, for men, it seems like it's harder to get over an affair if their partner falls in love. It's easier if it's just sex in their minds. And granted, I'm lumping all men into that category. So that's not true for everyone. But in general, it seems like it's more difficult if there's an emotional connection for men to really get over it. For women, it's a little bit easier if the men got emotionally connected. They feel like, okay, well you got emotionally connected. I get it. You became friends. You attached yourself. But having sex, that crosses the line. There's something about women and the way that we integrate our sexual injury, our erotic injury, that ego that we have around sex. If you have sex wioth someone else, that means you don't want me. It's part of the reason why we feel so threatened when men look at pornography, because we feel like if you want her, and she looks nothing like me, then you don't want me. And for men, sex is a little bit more compartmentalized. They can want her and still want us. It has nothing to do with that. For us, it's a little bit mixed together. So for men, it's easier if they know that their wife or their partner had sex with someone as long as they didn't fall in love. For us, once you cross that line with sex, it's really tough for us to get past us, unless we do some serious work on affair repair and erotic recovery.

Tammy Nelson, PhD explains the differences between men and women when it comes to forgiveness and relationship recovery after infidelity

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Tammy Nelson, PhD

Psychotherapist & Relationship Expert

Tammy Nelson PhD is the author of several books including, “Getting the Sex You Want; Shed Your Inhibitions and Reach New Heights of Passion Together”  (2008) and  “What’s Eating You? A Workbook for Anorexia and Bulimia (2004)” and her latest  book “The New Monogamy; Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity” (January 2013) is receiving critical acclaim.  She has been a featured expert in New York Times, Washington Post, Self,  Glamour Magazine, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, MSNBC,  Shape, Men’s Health, Women’s Health Woman’s Day, Women’s Health, and a source in Time Magazine. She writes for the Huffington Post, YourTango and can be followed on her blog www.drtammynelson.com/blog/.

Tammy Nelson is a Board Certified Sexologist, a Certified Sex Therapist and an Imago Relationship Therapist.  She is an international speaker and a licensed psychotherapist in private practice with over 25 years of experience working with individuals and couples.  She travels and lectures internationally on her quest for global relational change.

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